Commercial Script - Rough Draft
[Opens on Ali and I getting into bed. We pull the covers up, close our eyes, and hear tag jingling. We open our eyes back up, appear frustrated, and close our eyes again. Another *jingle jingle jingle*. We throw the covers down, get up exasperated, and look at the camera. The walls of the room come down, and we’re in random setting (TBD).
Ali: Hi, I’m Alex
Alex: And I’m also Alex.
Ali: And this is a dramatic reenactment of the moment we regretted getting a dog.
Alex: If you’re like us and potentially tens of other people out there, this occurrence is all too familiar. [shakes dog tags] Clink, clink, clink. If there is a hell, that sound is playing on a constant loop.
Ali: These days, dogs seem to have more tags on their collar than the number of industries millennials have killed.
[Goes through Forrest’s (our dog’s) tags]
Alex: This one has our contact information. Here’s his rabies vaccination. This one has his Starbucks order, one grande non-fat vanilla puppy latte. This one just says hashtag thug life. [looks confused] I don’t even remember buying that one. [Ali looks guilty]
Ali: And that’s all great, except they jingle with the fury of 1,000 liberty bells all the tiiiiiiime.
But there is a better way. And that way is a Quiet Spot Pet Tag Silencer. And they are awesome.
Alex: People love them because they’re simple, unobtrusive, they last forever, and they do their job very well. And don’t take our word for it, they have like a hundred million 5 star reviews on Amazon. Seriously.
Ali: Like Amazon Customer, Feisty49, for example. Unable to control her excitement, she writes, “I Like it.” Thanks Feisty49!
Alex: Or how about J. Caplinger, who RAVES “Works.” You’re damn right it does J. Caplinger.
Ali: And E. Brown boasts Love! there's silence in the house and the tags are…Wait, what?! 2 stars?! What was all that “love” talk??!
Alex: Anyway, they are incredibly easy to put on. Just slide them over your furry friend’s tags, and BOOM, now you have a pet worth loving again!
Ali: We literally sew each one with a thimble and needle, and by literally I mean figuratively.
Alex: But they ARE made in the USA, so that’s nice. And they've been delighting dog owners for years.
Ali: Now you might be asking yourself, self, if these have been out for a while and are supposedly so great, why have I not heard about them til now? Well, it's a good question. Ya know, why in the movie Armageddon did they decide to train a bunch of rural drillers how to be astronauts, when they could have just trained astronauts how to drill? See, these are all good questions.
Alex: And like all good questions, the answer is no one really knows.
Ali: So, if you prefer peace and quiet over loud and annoying, do yourself a favor and pick up a Quiet Spot Pet Tag Silencer. Fido will be so freaking silent you can forget for weeks at a time that you even have a dog. We recommend setting daily reminders on your phone.
Alex: And we stand behind these miracle coozies with a 100% satisfaction guarantee. If you realize you miss getting woken up in the middle of the night every time your dog moves, send it back for a full refund, no questions asked.
Ali: Now stop what you’re doing, head over to quietspot.com, and get yourself one of these magical hush puppies…get it?
Alex: Thank you for watching, and have a wonderful rest of your life.
[Something to end. Maybe throw the ball and Forrest runs to get it?]